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Eye-opener.

I have been doing GREAT in keeping up with my exercise. I’m averaging 7-8 miles a week. :) I do intervals of running and walking. It’s great.

I’ve been slacking on my water intake these past few days. Part of that is due to the time of the month, but I need to bring it back up.

I’ve been doing OK on my eating. I had some great days, some ok days, and today: a CRAPPY day. I Binged. I had McDonalds breakfast. (Sausage mcmuffin, hashbrown, iced coffee) Then, for lunch I had TACO BELL! (Soft taco, nachos, and a pop.)

I ate the taco, and then 1/2 way through the nachos went “What the fuck am I doing? I could have said no to this.” So I got up and threw the rest of the nachos away. It sucks. I WAS stronger than that, but I didn’t listen. I was gave in without putting up a fight.

So, then I was on some boards, poking around, sipping on my soda. (First of the week.) Now, as I’ve mentioned before, we would like to have a baby. We’ve been trying for awhile now. Almost a year. I’m a worrier, and so I was looking at some a “trouble trying to conceive” board, and saw someone mention that they have to be certain weight to get IVF. I decided to look it up. I had no idea that if we needed to move on to something like this (which, again, I’m worrying about this way too early, I know.)  I need to lose like 75 lbs.

Even though it might never come to that, it really opened my eyes about why I am doing this for my health. It’s not “oh damn. I binged today. I’ll do better later.” It became “look what you did. You can get back on the horse, but it will be one day longer. It will be another lb I need to lose.” It’s not worth it.

The reality is I may not need this. But I might. Would I want to wait until then to do something about it? If I try for another year, and have to get IVF, I want to be ready to go for it. I don’t want to have to wait even longer just to lose the weight.

Needless to say: I dumped the ENTIRE soda. I grabbed a water bottle, and am busy planning the rest of my day. I will be getting an extra workout in, to help off-set my bad choices today. It’s time to open my eyes. It’s not just weight loss. It’s health. It’s my future.

Being healthy > taco bell. The end.

I’ve always hated running. I suck at it. I have asthma. It SUCKS.

I’ve been a bit disgruntled because everywhere I’ve read it said “running is the best exorcise for weight loss.” I’m not sure I quite believe the claim, but it couldn’t be that bad….

I walk 1-1.4 miles every day now. I run every other road in my subdivision. I can’t run it all, and I probably don’t even run half of it. But I run a part of it. I’ve been going slow and concentrating on my breathing, so I won’t have an asthma attack.

I. Feel. Great. My calves are so tight and sore after running, and I’m out of breath and sweaty and hot, but the first thing in the morning, I’m thinking about my next run. :)

With that being said: I’ve decided I want to run a 5k. I won’t be able to run it all, but I’m ok with that. I feel so much better about myself. If I can do 1.5 miles, I can do 3.

Besides, I’ve lost 6lbs so far. I can’t wait to try on the dress for my friends wedding at the end of the month. I’m sure it will look awesome!

Everywhere

It seems I find myself trying to blog often, but I always hit “delete” instead of publishing. I just can not seem to find the right words to express what is going on right now. If you have stumbled across my blog, I apologize, since it’s everywhere. I can’t seem to focus my ideas.

However, today I wanted to blog about everywhere. As an over-weight person, I have fallen off the cart many times. I sit on my ass, or I revert back to old ways. Many people who have tried to lost weight have had this feeling. For me, it happens because I don’t see any results. I’ve been running this week, and eating healthy foods, and watching what I eat. However, I haven’t seen any progress. in fact, I’ve gained this week. WTF.

So, I did what I’ve always done. I felt sorry for myself. I sat down, scoured the internet for hours, and felt like a failure. Do you know that feeling? It sucks. It feels like you tried, but oh well. Time to give up. In my internet browsing, I came across an old article that someone wrote on the magazine blogger who wrote that Mike and Molly grossed her out, and how she is disgusted to see someone fat walk by. I had forgotten about that debacle last year, and upon reading this article, I started to get pissed. Even though I have fat-hate, I feel it’s another thing all together if they haven’t been fat themselves. It’s a hot topic, I’m sure, but most thin people do not realize how hard it is for some of us to lose weight. Again, if they only knew what changes I’ve made to my lifestyle, and in fact have lost a grand total of 2 lbs, I’m sure they’d be surprised.

So, then I did what any other self-conscious fat person would do. I read the comments. Yeah, I know, that was a mistake. One commenter said that he believe all fat people should be sent to boot camp, except for those of us with medical conditions that make us fat.

….

Thanks, commenter. I feel the love. But it’s just another day being fat. People will always assume that I eat unhealthily. People will assume that I do not work out, and that I do not care for my body. People will assume I am dirty, that people will only want to be with me, because of a fetish. I am 250 lbs. I am obese. However, I am human.  To the thin people who are fat-haters, I say fuck you. It is because of you I have these mental problems. It’s a problem that in this world, it seems that thin-people have a monoply on happiness. I’m tired of being brainwashed that thin=happy.

I’ve fallen for that idea before, and I’m trying to break it. I know I will never be happy with my body because of it. When I was 150lbs in highschool, I had  wrong image in my head. I thought I looked much bigger than I did. However, I am fighting to be healthier. Yes, I’m trying to lose weight, but that is because I want to be healthy. I want to be able to take my future kids to the zoo, or to disney and not be tired. I don’t want to be out of breath walking stairs, or walking the mall.

So, fuck you fat haters. You are stagnant. I have everywhere to go from here.

Whoops

I knew something was wrong with that last post. I forgot to add that the number also included like, 4 nail polishes, and some stuff for my garden.

So far, I’ve been failing at my goals. Yesterday I had 4 bottles of water. Today I’ve had one. I haven’t worked out yet. I haven’t walked the dogs yet. I haven’t eaten out yet, but I did have a mcdonalds breakfast sandwich. Damn. Oh well.

For lunch I had a spinach salad with ham and Italian dressing, and an onion bagel with whipped cream cheese. I was really hungry. I also had watermelon, strawberries, and a starbucks frappe. :( For dinner we had home made chicken soup. Chicken, fat free chicken broth, carrots, carrot purree, onion, celery, some seasoning and salt, some cream cheese, and some other things. It’s delicious, and full of great things.

Tomorrow is my last day at the day care. WHO-HOO!

July Goals

I love goals. I fail them, but I always feel like I need to have something to strive for, instead of that relative “it” I don’t have an actual end goal for my weightloss, so it’s easier to slack off. So until I feel finished, here are my goals for July.

1. Drink more water! My goal is to drink at least 2 bottles of water, every day.
2. Exercise 3 hours a week. That’s 30 minutes for 6 days.
3. Eat out only once a week.
4. Walk the dogs around the entire subdivision at least once a week.

Simple changes still bring results!

Time

Because of how little time I’ve had in the past, I’ve been sorely lacking here, and in my weight-loss journey.

In recent news, I’m still making healthier changes to my life style. I have a month’s worth of meals picked out, and if I stay on-target, I should have a healthy well-balanced diet. I think. Yesterday wasn’t the best. I had french onion soup, steak, baby asparagus salad, with Italian dressing. For snacks I had pineapple and strawberries. I also has more pop than I would have liked.

For today, the plan is a salad with swiss cheese, ham and turkey, with low fat ranch dressing. Dinner is spaghetti made with artificial veggie meat, with a side of some sort of veggie.

Last night DH and I went to the store to buy groceries. We had been away for the weekend, so we needed to stock up on some produce. We paid about 170 for 1 pineapple, 2 bags of grapes, 6 pre-made salads, baby asparagus, 2 dressings, 2 bone-in chicken thighs, 2 steaks, 1 loaf of bread, 1 jar of pickles, 1 packet of chicken seasoning, 2 jars of asparagus, 1 watermelon, 2 containers of strawberries, a bag of onions, a bag of celery, and one book.

It’s a lot of fruit, but I think fruit is the perfect summer snack. It’s cold and juicy, and just what I need after weeding out the herb garden.

I’ve got about a week left of my “getting ready for a 9 week workout” workouts. They’ve kicked my butt almost everytime, but it’s a good kick. When my 9 weeks is over, I will be attending a wedding for my friend, so I guess that is my “end of the goal” goal. Is to be rocking a pretty dress I already bought for the occasion. It’s a size 18, so it’s not too small, nor too big. It’s also made in a way that if I happened to lose 30lbs by then, or none at all, I’d still be able to wear it. It’s pretty much awesome.

So, I’ve been taking video journals lately which is why I’ve been slacking here. Maybe one day I’ll have the guts to share those, but for right now this will have to do.

What have I been doing lately? Well, that’s a good question. I’ve been doing small workouts. (Burning around 90-200 calories per workout, around 20 minutes.) I’ve mostly been using EA Sports active 1 and 2. Don’t underestimate these workouts, if you don’t have a gym. They do give GOOD workouts and build muscle, if you aren’t going to the gym already. I’ve been doing them for about a week, and my muscles have been sore the past week,  but not unbearable. They are the good kind of sore, that makes me feel like my muscles are getting tighter. Today I woke up with a weight gain from yesterday, and it could be a variety of different things, that I’m not taking it as a bad thing. 1. Muscle weighs more than fat. Yes, it will help burn calories and fat more quickly, helping in weight loss, but when you first start to build muscle you will gain weight. This is why people say to watch your inches instead of weight first. It is likely to drop a size before losing any weight.

So my weight gain could be from that. Or it could be from Chinese food last night. I had Wonton soup, and some chips, some rice and chicken. All greasy. All fried. All bad. But I took most of it home in a box. Portion control. I’m still proud I didn’t over-eat.

 

This morning, I’ve started my switch to healthier breakfasts. I still have cereal and waffles in my house, but I’m going to try and only have one once a week. My new breakfast consists of Oats, Whey Powder(chocolate) Splenda Brown Sugar (who knew they made this? Not me until a few days ago!) and half a teaspoon of peanut butter. This is my new breakfast, and is pretty yummy, even though I hate oatmeal. The protein will help me A LOT with the weight loss. A good diet should have less carbs and sugar more protein. Well, at least while I am working out. This is one change I hope that will boost with me getting healthy.

In good news: I have lost 1 bmi point!!!! I’m hoping to get under 30 soon! To be at the highest I can be and be “normal” bmi I will need to weigh 154 lbs.  I have also purchased a dress for a friends wedding which is exactly 3 months away. It fits well now, but could be better if I could lose a few inches off my tummy area.  It’s made well that if I drop more than expected, or even don’t lose any, it will still look awesome, which I find to be amazing. I would take a before picture, but how the material is, and the fact that it is black doesn’t shop up on camera well, so You probably wouldn’t see how I really look in it. (Yay for slimming dresses!)

 

In other news I bought the book Double Delicious, which is by the same author of deceptively delicious.  My husband eat the same foods all the time, so this was a good idea in order to get us to eat at home more often, instead of going out to eat. The secret I guess to her books, is vegetable puree. She uses it in every meal. Carrot, Spinach, Celery, you name it. I’m not sure how it’s going to go, but I’m anxious to start.

Well, this post is getting long, and I have chores to do. See ya!